Top of the list

Today is Saturday. A beautiful day. It has been a beautiful week as a matter of fact. But the sunshine seemed not to be shining so brightly on Thursday in my heart. I had just stumbled upon another blogger who had reportedly gotten their referral for a baby girl from ET. Not only that, but they had also gotten their court date already. They are also from TN. They are with a different agency and she had been put on the wait list in February of 2010. She was immediately placed at #19 on the list. And now..just a few months later, she has a picture of her beauty in her hands. This news seemed to penetrate deeply. I do not know this family. I do not know their circumstances. But...it seemed to make my circumstances so much more evident. We have been on the waitlist since August of 2008. We have been given no # on the waitlist. We have no referral. no court date. no picture to hold in our hands. I instantly sent a message to our sw in MN. After my plea for more detailed, comforting information, I decided I could not wait for a reply via email, so I called. She picked up! Amy was incredibly helpful. All in all, she said that we were at the top of the list. She said we are next. They are simply waiting for more referrals to come in from ET. I get it. Each agency is different. What seems odd is the incredible difference in timing for different families.
After I got off the phone, I melted just a bit. I just cried out. Amy had been very helpful, very comforting, very informative of the process. STILL the moment consumed me and I allowed all kinds of emotions to take place. While I know my Savior lives, I couldn't help but to buckle a bit under all the swirlies going on in my brain. Knowing this was taking place, I knew I had to do something. I reached above me to the bookshelf next to my chair and grabbed my devotional. (Notice I did not get up--that might have been too much for me). But thankfully, my devotional sat there waiting for me. As I flipped to that days date, glancing through watery eyes, I knew it was just what I needed. Its message was clear: Be thankful. As I read through it, I was convicted. I was questioning my Lord's ability to run this whole shindig. I was thinking perhaps I had a better plan. Wow. It is good that He doesn't pull back the curtain to the heavenly realms and let me peek in. It would be too much for me to understand. He asks that we live by faith, not by sight. The Lord's ever watchful eyes and careful hands have so tenderly orchestrated every moment leading up to us being at the top of the list. Everything from who our little girl is to who within the agency will be the one looking over her file and ours in order to make the perfect match. We are on our 12th social worker. 12th! It has taken lots of directing to get her to this point!
Needless to say, I am thankful. Tired..but thankful. I immediately emailed my sw back giving my gratitude and explaining my devotional. I wanted her to know how so very special she is in the process to us. The Lord has ordained her to be in this very place in our lives. How so beautiful.
She emailed back not too long after stating how it had made her day! how sweet! The Lord promises as we refresh others, we, ourselves will be refreshed. so true!
In a nutshell, we are at the top of the list. I am praying my next post will bring THE news!

It is Well

On Monday, Chris and I were able to steal away for a night to the Inn at Evins Mill. It is a precious bed and breakfast Inn that is tucked away in a very rural area with beautiful natural landmarks. It was a PERFECT getaway...so very needed for the both of us. The Lord was completely blessing us each step of the way with perfect weather, perfect room with super big porch, perfect food, perfect solitude and quietness of nature. This was SO perfect that I completely forgot to check out our agency hotline update which usually goes up every monday. Guess what? I didnt check it until Tuesday morning! Upon my surprise, I found that they are FINALLY giving referrals for infants to those who started their wait in August '08. THAT'S US!! Our official wait date (which is when our dossier landed in ET) is Aug 8, '08. This precious date of 08-08-08 is also the awesome birth of our sweet nephew, little O AND the birthdate of my awesome big brother! SO...needless to say, it is a divine date. What does all this mean? Well, that we are getting closer. Unfortunately, the dark side to that kind of news can reinstate a new level of anxiety; ie. checking my phone every hour or so to make sure it is ON, making sure my phone is with me at all times, panicking if I have missed a call, etc. This is NOT good. The blessing is that peace comes when you ask for it.
Today, I was surrounded by my precious girl friends in a our ladies leader group from church. I confessed my slight obsession and asked that peace come. Before leaving, they beautifully prayed over me a prayer of peace and contentment and that the call would come in the Lord's perfect timing. Even more so, as the tears rolled down my cheek, they prayed for our sweet little girl, that angels would protect her in every way. I am resting in that peace. I have included a pic from our stay at the Inn of the waterfall that we were so very blessed to enjoy all to ourselves that day. It was beyond glorious. The peace that flowed from that river was unbelievable. There was such a draw, such an attraction that it was magnetizing. Almost like the glow of fire that captures your soul instantly as you fade into its depths of glowing coals, we would just sit there in the beauty of God's creation without words to express. That peace is what I am trying to cling onto as we wait for the call. There is no way we could get any closer as far as notices from the hotline. So truly, the wait is on but so is the peace. It is well :)