Top of the list

Today is Saturday. A beautiful day. It has been a beautiful week as a matter of fact. But the sunshine seemed not to be shining so brightly on Thursday in my heart. I had just stumbled upon another blogger who had reportedly gotten their referral for a baby girl from ET. Not only that, but they had also gotten their court date already. They are also from TN. They are with a different agency and she had been put on the wait list in February of 2010. She was immediately placed at #19 on the list. And now..just a few months later, she has a picture of her beauty in her hands. This news seemed to penetrate deeply. I do not know this family. I do not know their circumstances. But...it seemed to make my circumstances so much more evident. We have been on the waitlist since August of 2008. We have been given no # on the waitlist. We have no referral. no court date. no picture to hold in our hands. I instantly sent a message to our sw in MN. After my plea for more detailed, comforting information, I decided I could not wait for a reply via email, so I called. She picked up! Amy was incredibly helpful. All in all, she said that we were at the top of the list. She said we are next. They are simply waiting for more referrals to come in from ET. I get it. Each agency is different. What seems odd is the incredible difference in timing for different families.
After I got off the phone, I melted just a bit. I just cried out. Amy had been very helpful, very comforting, very informative of the process. STILL the moment consumed me and I allowed all kinds of emotions to take place. While I know my Savior lives, I couldn't help but to buckle a bit under all the swirlies going on in my brain. Knowing this was taking place, I knew I had to do something. I reached above me to the bookshelf next to my chair and grabbed my devotional. (Notice I did not get up--that might have been too much for me). But thankfully, my devotional sat there waiting for me. As I flipped to that days date, glancing through watery eyes, I knew it was just what I needed. Its message was clear: Be thankful. As I read through it, I was convicted. I was questioning my Lord's ability to run this whole shindig. I was thinking perhaps I had a better plan. Wow. It is good that He doesn't pull back the curtain to the heavenly realms and let me peek in. It would be too much for me to understand. He asks that we live by faith, not by sight. The Lord's ever watchful eyes and careful hands have so tenderly orchestrated every moment leading up to us being at the top of the list. Everything from who our little girl is to who within the agency will be the one looking over her file and ours in order to make the perfect match. We are on our 12th social worker. 12th! It has taken lots of directing to get her to this point!
Needless to say, I am thankful. Tired..but thankful. I immediately emailed my sw back giving my gratitude and explaining my devotional. I wanted her to know how so very special she is in the process to us. The Lord has ordained her to be in this very place in our lives. How so beautiful.
She emailed back not too long after stating how it had made her day! how sweet! The Lord promises as we refresh others, we, ourselves will be refreshed. so true!
In a nutshell, we are at the top of the list. I am praying my next post will bring THE news!