(He's) Watching and (We're) Waiting

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"

There has been no word from the agency. Just silence. We have been taking our time to grieve as needed and not try to push past this quickly. God is good. No word from Him but I know He is watching over us, over me. His ways are higher than my ways. His plans are greater than my imagination could ever fathom. So, we wait. Each year, we place a new family ornament on the tree. We like to choose one that represents our year past. Some of ours in the past have been a little house (when we bought our home), or a red beautiful glass heart (when the Lord touched my hubby's heart and saved his life), or a little cow (when we lived on a farm when we first got married). Each Christmas season after the kids have adorned the tree with their ornaments, Chris and I take our time putting up our family ornaments. We chat about each one and the memories that accompany them. I am still stuck for an idea for this years ornament. I am debating a little timer or hourglass. It seems our theme has been 'waiting' this year. Not sure if that is a good summation but I am trying to stay positive.

sad does not describe...

Got a call yesterday, November 30, 2011 from the agency. My heart fluttered when I saw their name on the caller i.d. because usually they send emails regarding travel information. The fact that they were calling did not seem right. When I answered, Maxine asked if Chris was also available..at which time, I KNEW bad news was about to be delivered. She then proceeded to put me on speaker phone with two other agency representatives. In a somber voice, she told me that there had been a terrible mix up and that the orphanage had made a mistake and had given our little girl to another agency at the same time they had given her to our agency. The other family involved has just gone through court and now she is legally their little girl. Maxine simply stated, "we are considering this a loss of referral". I have heard that before. She delivered the SAME news on July 7, 2010 after C's heartattack.
A loss. A loss of a little girl. A loss of a child that we have been dreaming about bringing home. Sad does not begin to define the loss in my heart. My heart grieves. My soul sobs. My body aches. I have cried out to my Lord but silence greets me. I await His response and sit in this sunshine filled window...but my heart is not met with healing yet. The sun brings no rays of warmth to this dark place. I grieve. I wait. I am still.

Come On John!!!!

Oh...we jest when we say, "now, just give me your John Hancock right here on the dotted line". It may be for the lengthy transcripts of the sale of a home or as simple as signing your child's homework reading log...but truly some signatures are literally holding up the lives of others. We are STILL waiting for a signature from the orphanage. It has been over two weeks since we were told that there was "movement" on our case and all they needed was a simple signature before assigning our court case. I have tried to be patient. I actually thought that it meant a 24 hour wait. So, I waited 24 hours. I mean, how long does it take for someone to put pen to paper? How long does it take to just simply put your JOHN HANCOCK ON THE DOTTED LINE?!!! I certainly did not fathom more than 2 weeks. I sent an email yesterday to the agency and she replied that they are still waiting and she has requested an update from the Ethiopian team. Oh Lord, please grant us favor. I know, I know, we are going to get the call soon enough, but it is sometimes these last few minutes in the midnight hour that make it the most difficult to maintain control.
SO, that is where we are. Really nowhere closer. We wait. Our little girl waits. Oh, how I long to see her, to even see a recent pic of her. The only one we have is when she was 6 months old. She is now 9 months old. I am wondering if her hair is grown out a little or her face changed. Ohhh the wait. Come on John, SIGN THE PAPER!!

MOOOOOOVEMENT on our case!!!

The courts have been closed from Aug 7-Oct 13. It has been a long couple of months with no word. We have been waiting for the ET courts to assign us a court date. We just got an email saying that there is "movement" on our case!! Yippee!! They are waiting for a signature from the orphanage before they can submit our case to the courts. SOOOO, we have been praying for that to swiftly go through and there to be no complications!
While a tickle, a bubble, a little fiery flame is erupting inside of me, I am cautiously proceeding with a full on explosion of joy. We have been through SO MUCH. We have been here...in this spot...a little over a year ago. It was last May and June that we awaited a court date..and then my dearest had a heart attack and our lives changed forever. SO, this time, we are much more reserved in our emotions. This is what I DO know, the greatest Father of all, who loves me beyond what I could ever dream or imagine, has GOT THIS. He is fully aware of it all. So, I lay it in His hands...sometimes daily, sometimes hourly. ..rarely can I go weekly! It is quite more frequent ..and that is OK! My God has this and thankfully, I don't have to do anything else but trust in Him. LOL..not as easy as I just made it sound.
Well..much to do today. Let's start with some trusting....

We got a REFERRAL!!!

August 2, 2011....we got our referral!! What a glorious day. We were on vacation in the Smoky Mtns for a family reunion and chose to spend this wonderful day at Dollywood.
I am telling you that this day couldn't have gone any better already. We were having a glorious time with our kids, cousins, and grandparents. Everyone was in a great mood, the park was not crowded at all, the rides were glorious, the shows fantastic, the lines short and sweet, and the refreshment of the getaway completely fulfilling. This is a picture of me just minutes before we got the call. We were watching a great show on Eagles and birds. Following the show, it was time to eat! As we approached the eateries, we stopped to check our options when my phone rang. It was our local social worker. As we had just been spending the last few weeks tidying up all of our dossier documents (again), I was confident that she had a question about our paperwork. Sure enough, this is how our conversation started... sweet steph, "Hey Shannon, are you near a computer?", me, "No, we are in the middle of Dollywood." We then discover that sweet steph had just been to Dollywood days before. sweet steph, "Do you think you can access a computer?" me, "uh..I think we will be able to when we get back to the cabin. We have some internet service there, but we won't be getting back til later this afternoon." sweet steph, "hmmm, ok..." me, "Is there a problem with our paperwork?". sweet steph, "NO, there is just a little girl in ET that is waiting on you to bring her home!!!!!!!!". AAAAAAGHHHHH! The tears started rolling. At this point, I am standing in the middle of a thoroughfare in the middle of Dollywood. Chris is wondering how long this convo is going to last so we can order food, the folks that are moving around me are wondering when I am going to get out of the way, and the kids are hungry and tugging at my side. I slowly moved to the edge of the sidewalk with obvious 'ugly cry' emotions running wild. This kind of a cry usually emits the 'there's been a death in the family' kind of alarm. I could see it on their faces as my family looked at me with horror. Grandma comes up and asks what is wrong. All I can manage to whisper is, "we have our girl!!!!!" She knew instantly. Smiles began to abound as she passed the word along. To be honest, I can't even remember Chris' reaction at that point. I believe his back had been to me all this time with his eyes glued to the menu board of the restaurant!! But when Grandma spread the news, Chris was by my side in an instant. He was glued to me, our hearts as one. We stood there in the middle of Dollywood as sweet steph gave beautiful details. I tilted the phone and we shared ear to ear the first news about our little girl. From beginning to end of the phone call my emotions were in full throttle. Chris was in shock. It was surreal. We were in the midst of themepark extravaganza and were experiencing our own thriller of a rollercoaster ride. It was so amazing. The Lord couldn't have picked a better place or time to deliver the news. It was almost as if the Lord wanted to provide the best backdrop. Sure, I wouldn't have personally picked this particular place, but God did. Kind of like, "here ya' go. This is a celebration time, a time of rejoicing, fun, being surrounded by the people you love. This is the time, the moment that I want to share something special with you!!"
It is funny, because the rest of our time at Dollywood was pretty much a blur. Sweet steph sent a pic of her to my phone. It was like my lifeline. I looked at that pic every few minutes. Smiles couldn't be hidden. I was distracted constantly as I read bits of her history over my smartphone in the tiniest print. I did this til my battery faded away.
Here is a pic of us that evening after our big reunion dinner.
What a glorious night. We were able to share our news with the big family clan. We can't post pics of her until we pass court, so that is why she is blurred out in the image. I can't wait to share her pic later!! She is absolutely the most beautiful doll I have ever seen. Our sweet little daughter. Cannot wait to bring her home!!

Bringing everyone up to speed

4 days after my last post, our family's lives changed forever. To keep things super simple, my sweet hubs had a heart attack, died in my arms in the ER, and was revived 35 minutes and 11 shocks later. Our lives have never been the same. Following that most incredible miracle, we spent the summer recovering physically and emotionally. We lost the referral of our baby girl and were put on a six month hold on the adoption.
THAT is the brief update. SO much has happened in the meantime. Mainly, our Lord gave us a beautiful new perspective on life. Each day is incredibly new. It's not just about not 'sweating the small stuff' but about making the big stuff what it should be. While being disappointed beyond belief that we were not able to bring home our little girl, we knew God's plan was so much bigger. We began to look at the process in a completely different way. We completely relinquished the process to Him. Before, we were looking at the phone and emails constantly...waiting on the latest news in our process. We were anxious and ever trying to speed up the process by rushing to get documents and paperwork done. But, after our miracle intervention on June 6, 2010, God could not have been more clear. The timing is in HIS hands. Nothing we can do can change that.
SO, we have approached this second waiting with a completely new heart. Following a 6 month hiatus, we were informed that we had to redo all of our paperwork, dossier, homestudy, fingerprints...EVERYTHING. Basically, it was like starting all over from ground zero. We did it, smiles in tow, no rushing. God's timing. We did it all. As a matter of fact, we signed the last bits of documents on July 13.
We havent been anxiously looking at the phone or emails. ..just waiting on the Lord. Okay...I have to admit, I have inquired a few times with the agency..but not harassed.
This past week, Aug 2, 2011, while walking through the streets of Dollywood with the family, WE GOT THE CALL!! THE CALL! THE CALL! Did you hear me?!!! THE call! more details to come in next post!!!!