(He's) Watching and (We're) Waiting

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"

There has been no word from the agency. Just silence. We have been taking our time to grieve as needed and not try to push past this quickly. God is good. No word from Him but I know He is watching over us, over me. His ways are higher than my ways. His plans are greater than my imagination could ever fathom. So, we wait. Each year, we place a new family ornament on the tree. We like to choose one that represents our year past. Some of ours in the past have been a little house (when we bought our home), or a red beautiful glass heart (when the Lord touched my hubby's heart and saved his life), or a little cow (when we lived on a farm when we first got married). Each Christmas season after the kids have adorned the tree with their ornaments, Chris and I take our time putting up our family ornaments. We chat about each one and the memories that accompany them. I am still stuck for an idea for this years ornament. I am debating a little timer or hourglass. It seems our theme has been 'waiting' this year. Not sure if that is a good summation but I am trying to stay positive.

sad does not describe...

Got a call yesterday, November 30, 2011 from the agency. My heart fluttered when I saw their name on the caller i.d. because usually they send emails regarding travel information. The fact that they were calling did not seem right. When I answered, Maxine asked if Chris was also available..at which time, I KNEW bad news was about to be delivered. She then proceeded to put me on speaker phone with two other agency representatives. In a somber voice, she told me that there had been a terrible mix up and that the orphanage had made a mistake and had given our little girl to another agency at the same time they had given her to our agency. The other family involved has just gone through court and now she is legally their little girl. Maxine simply stated, "we are considering this a loss of referral". I have heard that before. She delivered the SAME news on July 7, 2010 after C's heartattack.
A loss. A loss of a little girl. A loss of a child that we have been dreaming about bringing home. Sad does not begin to define the loss in my heart. My heart grieves. My soul sobs. My body aches. I have cried out to my Lord but silence greets me. I await His response and sit in this sunshine filled window...but my heart is not met with healing yet. The sun brings no rays of warmth to this dark place. I grieve. I wait. I am still.